Aimless ranting

I want to type, and yet I have nothing to really say. Maybe I'll just type a whole lot of jibberish until a subject comes up? Well, what have I got to loose, I have nothing better to do. It's almost 11pm and everyone is asleep, not me. Sleep doesnt come easy to me anymore which is stupid really. I walk around all day exhausted waiting for bed time and then when it comes I do anything to get out of actually laying down. I guess I want to keep my brain occupied and not thinking about things. Things, you know, like the mess that my relationship has become.

Anyone who thinks that having a baby brings people together is a complete dickhead kidding themselves. Not that we had a baby to bring us together, I think that our relationship was great until I got pregnant. Perhaps I became needier then before, no scratch that I'm tired of taking the blame for everything. Why do we do that as mothers? Take on everyone else's problems and issues and treat them as our own, then at the end of the day we ignore whats going on inside our own hearts & minds. It's so ironic that I can sit here behind my computer screen and preach to the people I have imagined are reading this and yet I don't take my own advice. I'm sure my life would be much better if I could only pay attention to the things I say to others. Do we think we are not worthy of our own wonderful and insightful advice?

I suppose I sould like a really miserable person, however that is not me. I am a Mother which is the most important and fullfilling thing i could ever be. I live across the country from my family with a man I feel totally disconnected from. I dont feel comfortable enough yet to write about all our crap but I'm sure I'll need to let it all out at some stage. For now though I really should at least attempt to sleep, I need to chase an eight month old around all day. I'm sure I'll find a hundred things to do on the way to the bedroom but hopefully I get there eventually. Wish me luck.